Author Fighters Happy Hour
by TLSoulDude
Summary: Sequel to Nukid's After Hours. When Oldkid has a new plot, it's up to an assassin and a Fictorian to stop him...in the most hilarious ways possible and with the help of Johan and Anti-TL. Parody of Marvel/DC Happy Hour.
1. Chapter 1

Author Fighters Happy Hour

Chapter 1

"Who am I?" asked someone, "Are you SURE you wanna know? The story of my life is not for the faint of heart. If someone told ya I was just your average, happy-go lucky guy without a care in the world…" the person who was speaking was Johan. As he finished, he looked ticked, "Then you need to tell me who said it so I can go kick his sorry ass! Seriously, I am Johan! I have a reputation to keep and some idiot's goin' around calling me "happy-go-lucky"?! I oughta wrap his head in TINFOIL!" Johan mumbled, darkly, before continuing, "BUT that's beside the point. Anyway, I've recently started hitting on…I mean going out with one of Drake's many crushes, Ino. I'd like to say we've been going steady, but hey. Who says these things turn out perfect?"

Johan picked up a bouquet of flowers and walked over to a door.

"But tonight, everything's about HER!" The door swung open and Johan held out the flowers, "For you!"

Standing in front of Johan was a group of savage-looking warriors. Johan made a quick head-count before commenting, "Well, there's not enough flowers for everyone, so I guess a few of you will just have to share. Is that…"

Before Johan could finish his sentence, the warriors began beating him to a pulp. He screamed in pain, but someone arrived.

"Now, now boys, you know what I sucker I am for flowers."

The person was Oldkid.

"YOU!" Johan growled.

"Tough, Johan." Ino said, coming out from behind Oldkid.

"INO!" Johan screamed, "YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME!"

"As if." Ino replied, flatly.

"Blinded by your thoughts of sex, you could not see past the lies." Oldkid commented. Johan tossed the bouquet into Oldkid's face.

"YOU WANNA GET CRAZY, OLDKID?!" Johan shouted, "THEN LET'S GET CRAZY!"

"Be careful what you wish for, Johan." Oldkid stated. Johan snarled. Oldkid then asked, "Have you ever danced with the devil?"

Johan got a flat look as he replied, "Yes. He told me you have Herpes."

Oldkid's response was to sock Johan in the jaw. Johan was sent to the ground in a heap.

"So, let me get this straight—you sneak into Drake's base, UNINVITED…" Oldkid punched Johan's stomach, "To try and steal his girl…" he stomped on Johan's…nether region. Johan screamed in pain and clutched it, "And you have the NERVE to insult me." He kicked Johan across the room, where he lay in a sorry pile, "But still, you'll have your uses for my plan."

"I don't know, Oldkid." Ino commented, "What about Nukid?"

"That narcoleptic pervert can't POSSIBLY stop me now!" Oldkid replied.

"But you know, Nukid's not the only Author out there." Ino pointed out.

"Who could try and stop me? A goofy hedgehog?" Oldkid asked.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

TL began jotting down orders, frantically, in the old villain's bar.

"Okay, okay. Who ordered what again?" TL asked.

"I ordered the blood." TSS hissed before gesturing at Warlord Xana, "HE ordered the burger!"

"I ordered the martini!" X Prodigy shouted.

"Okay! Uh…what's in that again?" TL asked.

The crowd was getting restless. TL quickly walked out, carrying a tray filled with drinks and different foods.

"Sorry, everyone!" TL apologized, "I forgot to ask you all for ID, so could you just…" everyone simply chucked their weapons at TL.

Iron Mantis walked over to D-Dude and asked, "Couldn't you have trained your own brother up a bit more?"

"I'm still busy training the OTHER new guy." Dimensiondude replied, pointing at Hurricane's Quill, who was wearing a black Bouncer shirt.

HQ sighed, placed his head in his hand and asked himself, "Has job hunting REALLY led me to this?" Dimensiondude then whipped HQ on the butt. "OW!" HQ then wheeled over to the Fictorian Dragonsaur and demanded, "WHAT?!"

"Mosquito." Dimensiondude simply replied.

Roscoso was playing cards with Andy the Darkrai Pokemorph.

"So, when should our next fic be coming out?" Ross asked.

"I don't know." Andy said, "Let's find out."

Lunatic 121 was talking to D-Dude, Warlord, and Jean Kazuhiza.

"Oh, you guys can KEEP your Author fics!" the Fictorian Ninja said, "I've got plenty of good fics on the way!"

"That's no guarantee, Loon. Believe me." Dimensiondude stated.

"What?" Lunatic asked.

"Why'd you think I NEEDED to make an Author Fighters fic?" D-Dude asked.

Lunatic then flew over to Andy and Ross' table.

"When should YOUR first fic be coming out? Speak, pest." Andy simply said.

"Whenever I dang want to!" Lunatic replied. Andy tossed Loon away and he crashed into the wall.

"And our fic should be coming out some time after THAT. Happy, Ross?" Andy asked. Roscoso sighed.

"WHY'D YOU INVITE THIS GUY?!" Lunatic screamed.

DM was talking to Ranger and Airnaruto.

"Come on, guys. Cheer up a bit." DM said before continuing, quickly, "I mean, so what if TL's Transformers parody stars you because he couldn't decide who to use for the Autobots and Decepticons so he simply went with some of his Author friends? I mean, it's no big deal."

"Chief, you're in the fic as Optimus Prime." Airnaruto pointed out.

"What?" DM simply asked.

TL managed to escape the angry mob and hide behind a door, gasping for breath.

"What do you want?"

TL then saw the owner of the bar—Nukid.

"Nukid?" TL asked, "What're you doin' here?"

"Performing an experiment." Nukid replied. The mechanical Spud which kept tabs on the Author Fighters lay on an examination table, half of its face removed to show its mechanical inside.

"'Sup?" Spud asked.

"Quiet, Spud!" Nukid snapped.

"Cool." Spud replied.

"Oh, right." TL said, drooping a bit.

"What's eatin' you?" Nukid asked, "Usually, you're the happy-go-lucky and playful hedgehog…save some of those spots in Anti-TL's Wrath when you were just plain paranoid."

"Oh, it's nothing." TL replied before saying, "Actually, I've been feeling…kinda strange. I've been feeling weird lately and, when I'm around the other Authors, it just gets stronger. Maybe I'm just going crazy but…" TL took a deep breath before saying, quickly, "Nukid, I think I got a girlfriend and forgot about it."

"I think you're right." Nukid said.

"You DO?" TL asked, hopefully.

"I think you're crazy." Nukid answered.

"OH, COME ON!" TL half-shouted, indignantly.

"FINE!" Nukid said, "I'll look into it."

"Thanks." TL thanked. He then sighed before saying, "I mean, maybe this feeling comes from the fact that I want a girlfriend. Seriously, X Prodigy paired me up with Hanabi Hyuga and I've started to get addicted to it, yet I've become good friends with some other Authors who're girls, like Lucky, Sakkee, and a few others." As TL was saying this, Nukid noticed something on Spud's face and touched it. Electricity pulsed through his body and he vanished. "Anyway, thanks for listening Nukid. It's…" TL then noticed that Nukid was gone. "Nukid?"

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Nukid reappeared in the old Villains' bar and he seemed half-conscious.

"Now, is it my birthday?" Oldkid asked.

Nukid then passed out.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Johan was dreaming about dancing with several hot girls and got ready to kiss one, but it turned into Nukid.

"JOHAN!" Nukid barked.

Johan woke up to find himself tied to Nukid.

"Nukid?" Johan simply asked.

"Oldkid tied us here. He's made off, but I can still find him with the proper assistance." Nukid said.

"Who cares what YOU think?" Johan asked, "I've been duped by a girl! Can't honestly say I'm surprised, but…" Johan then screamed in pain, "WHAT'RE YOU DOING?!"

"Pinching a nerve in your left hand." Nukid replied, blandly, "Now that I have your full and undivided attention, reach into my back pocket and find my com-link."

"Alright." Johan began rummaging around in Nukid's pockets until…"OW! WHAT?!"

"That's NOT a pocket!" Nukid growled.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

TL was cleaning an empty table and muttered, quoting himself, "Sure, Nukid. I could use a few extra bucks." TL's com-link then acted up. He picked it up and said, monotonously, "Hello. Nukid's Bar. You call, we…"

"Soul?"

"NUKID?" TL asked.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Nukid had the com-link active and was cutting the ropes.

"Alright, Soul, I'm in the old Villains' Bar, but I don't seem to be in any danger." Nukid said.

"Y'know, I could be a threat if I…" Johan's statement was cut short by the fact that Nukid continued to pinch him, "OW! I'LL SHUT UP! I PROMISE!"

"TL, I'll be needing everyone out of Team Ryche." Nukid said, "Maybe your brothers, Airnaruto, the whole deal. What Authors are there?"

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

TL walked out into the driveway and replied, "It's just me! Everyone else went out looking for you."

"Fine, I'll send a bike. I placed a tracking device on Oldkid before he left. Follow the signal and…" Nukid finished cutting the ropes and saw something. Something attached to Johan's manhood.

"What?" Johan asked.

"There's a BOMB strapped to your NUTS?!" Nukid demanded.

"Boy, you really ARE an assassin." Johan said, sarcastically, "You don't miss a thing."

"WHAT?!" TL shouted, "THERE'S A BOMB?!"

"Never mind, Soul." Nukid replied, "Just wait for the bike."

"But what could a bike…" A motorcycle then zipped over to TL. The Fictorian Hedgehog dropped the com-link.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Nukid was working on the bomb attached to Johan.

"So, Ino left you?" Nukid asked.

"Well, can't honestly say I'm surprised." Johan said before saying, "Just let the bomb go off! Put me outta my misery!"

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

TL sat in the motorcycle and found that it was computer-operated.

"Voice-command activate." TL said on instinct.

_Voice command activated._ The motorcycle replied.

"Why is it that everything I can't see is voiced by Val Kilmer?" TL asked before saying, "Sorry, Nukid." He then said to the motorcycle, "Follow Nukid's signal."

Following Nukid's signal.

"I'M COMIN', NUKID!" TL shouted. He then noticed they were going unsually slow and checked something, "What the…TEN MILES AN HOUR?! C'MON! WE NEED TO KICK INTO OVER-DRIVE!"

_Over-drive activated._ The motorcycle replied.

The motorcycle took off, leaving TL to scream, dangling onto the handles only by an aura arm. He quickly reeled himself back in.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

"I still say you should let the bomb go off." Johan said, stubbornly.

"And I say you should take it like a MAN." Nukid replied, "Besides, I'll be the least of your problems when backup arrives."

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

"HOLY CRUD! HOLY CRUD! HOLY CRUD! HOLY CRUD! HOLY CRUD!" TL screamed over and over again.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

"_And I hope that you give faith a fighting chance._" Johan sang.

"Johan?" Nukid asked.

"_And if you get the choice to sit it out or dance…_" Johan continued.

"Johan, I already defused the bomb." Nukid pointed out.

"_I hope you dance!_" Johan continued.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

"ALRIGHT, WE'RE HERE! CAN YOU STOP NOW?!" TL demanded.

_Stopping at this speed would be unsafe._ The motorcycle replied.

"BUT IF YOU DON'T STOP NOW, YOU'LL CRASH INTO A WALL!" TL screamed.

_New objective:_ the motorcycle replied. TL looked afraid as it finished, _Crash into a wall._

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" TL screamed.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Johan had (finally) finished the song.

"We should wait here until backup arrives." Nukid said.

"Yippie-skippie." Johan grumbled, chains wrapped around him. He then said, "Y'know, I was kinda thinkin' of a Ghost Rider look. What do you think?"

"I think it's a pathetic idea." Nukid stated, "Now, I'll start trying to find some clue on where Oldkid is."

"I don't care about HER." Johan replied, "It's INO I want!"

Nukid sighed before telling Johan, "Johan, take MY advice. Forget Ino. As hard as it may be, she'll NEVER leave Drake in a million years for you."

"Yeah." Johan sighed. He then perked up before saying, "But…what if I did something that Drake could never DO in a million years? Now, what's something Drake hasn't…" he then noticed that Nukid had his back turned. He then realized that one thing Drake had never done was kill an Author Fighter. He pulled out his whip and said, "It's nothing personal, Nukid. It's strictly…"

The motorcycle then crashed into Johan. Nukid walked over to the wreckage and saw TL in a heap, his fur was slightly crisped and sparking with red electricity.

"Please don't tell anyone I zapped myself." TL said.

"Oh, thank God. You're alive." Nukid said. His fist tightened and a vein began to throb.

"Maybe you should put some airbags in this thing." TL pointed out. An airbag then exploded into his face.

_Airbag activated._ The motorcycle stated. TL groaned as Nukid's hand tightened.


	2. Chapter 2

Author Fighters Happy Hour

Chapter 2

Previously on Happy Hour…

"_It's nothin' personal, Nukid." Johan said. He pulled out his whip and continued, "It's strictly business…"_

_A motorcycle crashed into Johan. Nukid opened it up to show TLSoulDude, quills sparking with red electricity._

"_Please don't tell anyone I zapped myself." TL simply said._

"_Oh, thank God. You're alive." Nukid commented, sarcastically._

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Nukid and TL stood above the injured Johan.

"So, is he gonna be okay?" TL asked.

"Well, he should be." Nukid replied, pulling out a serringe, "But he's heavily injured and will be wracked with immense and indescribably large amounts of pain before he heals over."

"How painful would it be?" TL asked.

"Imagine the most painful thing you can think of and multiply it by fifty." Nukid stated, "But I'll need to use HUGE amounts of sedatives in order to counteract it." Nukid injected Johan with the serringe's contents.

"Will he be okay?" TL asked.

"Yeah, pretty much." Nukid answered, "The worst that he'll experience would be some…_slight_ hallucinogenic side-effects."

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Inside Johan's mind, he was surrounded by darkness, the song "Dare to be Stupid" playing. He saw Nukid dressed in a Big Bird outfit and what appeared to be TL. However, when the hedgehog turned around, his face was a realistic face of Matthew Broderick.

Johan was then doing a chorus-line dance with several Darksides, Weird Al Yankovich, the Muppets, Deadpool, and (oddly enough) Chuck Norris.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

In REALITY, Johan was humming, tunelessly, to Dare to be Stupid. TL and Nukid were sitting in the motorcycle.

"To think," Nukid stated, "NONE of this would be happening if you hadn't ran him over WITH THE MOTORCYCLE, YOU MISERABLE HEDGEHOG!"

"Hey, I didn't MEAN to crash into him!" TL shouted, "It just…happened on accident!"

"Looked more like you had no idea how to drive a motorcycle. How you manage to drive that hunk of scrap metal Blader gave ya for your birthday's a mystery." Nukid grumbled, "You still should've followed Oldkid's signal, Fictorian, LIKE I TOLD YOU."

TL then noticed something on Johan's temple and plucked it off.

"Is that my soul, Soul?" Johan asked.

TL held out the thing, which was a small device.

"Uh…you mean THIS tracer?" TL asked.

"Where'd you find this?" Nukid asked, taking the device from TL.

"On Johan." TL replied.

"Well, this is the tracer I stuck on Oldkid." Nukid stated.

"So, if I followed it, I still would've ended up at the Villains' Bar. RIGHT where I needed to help ya, partner."

Nukid stopped the motorcycle and Johan flew out, skidding on the pavement.

"Ow…" Johan groaned, "Good thing these sedatives keep me from realizing just HOW painful this stuff is…"

Nukid sighed before glancing over to TL, "Soul, let's get ONE thing straight—I don't DO partners. When I took some on, all I got was their blood on my hands."

"I've had that happen to me, too." TL replied, "But I still take 'em. How else do I get outta my Demon Ultima form?"

"Well, I'm not you." Nukid stated, "I'm an assassin. I'm narcoleptic. I have thoughts of sex. I'm a Goth. And, I'm an assassin (A/N: No offense to Nukid)."

"Didn't you already…"

"I know." Nukid growled, "And when I die, I'll just be another assassin who got killed in the field. You think I LIKE that?!"

"I…just wanted to be your friend." TL pointed out, meekly.

"I don't DO friends."

"What about Team Ryche, the Hunters, and the Straw Hats?" TL asked.

"Those being the only exceptions." Nukid mumbled.

Johan staggered up to look Nukid right in the face.

"Whoa, Nukid. THAT was deep. I doubt I could ever be happy again." Johan stated. Nukid's response was to inject Johan AGAIN with the sedatives. Johan then sang, "_WE ARE THE PIRATES WHO DON'T DO ANYTHING! WE JUST STAY HOME AND LIE AROUND! AND IF YOU ASK US TO DO ANYTHING, WE'LL JUST TELL YOU WE DON'T DO ANYTHING_!"

"Go in and take him with ya." Nukid said to TL, "Keep an eye out for Oldkid."

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

DM and Hikari were watching the motorcycle stop.

"They're here." Hikari said.

"It's about time." DM replied.

NEITHER of them looked too happy…

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

"So, if I put you in more fights, would you review more often?" TL asked.

Nukid took off in the motorcycle.

"I…guess not." TL mumbled.

He helped Johan walk in.

"Hey, pretty lady. Wanna make out?" Johan asked.

TL sighed before commenting, "Still me, Johan."

"Oh." Johan then asked, "Still wanna make out?"

"No, but you should DEFINITELY ask Ranger that." TL replied. He heaved Johan into the bar and said, "Hey, guys. I'm back."

"JOHAN OWNZ U!" Johan shouted.

"Don't mind him. He's just hallucinating." TL pointed out.

Airnaruto, Ranger, Dimensiondude, Lunatic, and Hurricane's Quill were glaring at the two.

"What's HE doing here?" Airnaruto asked, suspiciously.

"Well, y'know." TL muttered, "Oldkid ran him over with a…"

Airnaruto's response was to grab Johan by the neck and punch him.

"Thought you could get away with it, huh?!" Airnaruto snarled.

"AIRNARUTO! WHAT THE HECK ARE YA DOIN'?!" TL demanded.

HQ grabbed Johan next and said, "Time he got what was coming to him."

HQ hurled Johan away.

"WHAT'RE…YOU…DOING…?!" TL asked, voice slowed.

"THIS…IS…AWESOME…!" Johan shouted, voice also slowed. He fell to the ground in a heap. TL picked him up and heaved him over his shoulders.

"WHAT'S GOIN' ON?!" TL simply demanded.

"You're PROTECTING him?!" Hikari demanded.

"You're just as bad as THEY are." Ranger growled, pointing his sword at TL's throat.

"What could I have POSSIBLY done to deserve such aggression?" TL asked, nervously.

He struggled with the oncoming Authors, but was soon overpowered and restrained by Airnaruto and Johan by Ranger.

"WHAT THE HECK'S WRONG WITH YOU GUYS?!" TL shouted.

"I was about to ask you the same thing, Soul." DM replied.

"Boss Wiz?!" TL shouted.

"Boy, you've got some awesome digs, Mr. Hedgehog!" Johan said, still hallucinating.

"Shut up, Johan." Dimensiondude snarled.

"The world is a dark place, TLSoulDude." DarkMagicianmon explained, "We all decided to change to fit in. The question is 'Why haven't YOU'?"

"They're all insane!" TL shouted.

"Well, so am I!" Johan said, triumphantly.

He broke free of Ranger's grip and socked the fangirl killer in the face. He then brought a foot smashing into Airnaruto's face. He charged over as HQ charged over. His whip caught around HQ's ankle and with a motion, the Author fell to the ground with a CRASH. Lunatic then charged forward, but was quickly knocked aside. He then kicked Hikari to the ground and sat down next to her, snapping a photo and making a funny face. Dimensiondude then advanced, but Johan's whip tangled around the Dragonsaur's tail and he brought D-Dude down to the ground with a THUD. DM then advanced, but met his defeat at Lunatic's chakram.

"I did it!" Johan said, "I trumped 'em!"

"Yeah, Johan." TL commented, "That would've been REAL great if it had ACTUALLY HAPPENED."

Johan and TL's position hadn't changed in the slightest.

"WHAT?!" Johan shouted, "Is this a remake of that scene from Anti-TL's Wrath?!"

"Well, I DID get that scene from Happy Hour." TL replied.

"You had spirit, Soul." DM said, raising his staff, "I like that."

"Then you'll love me."

DM glanced around to see Nukid's fist smash into his face. Nukid then ran over to remove TL and Johan's binds. The hedgehog wheeled over to Airnaruto and Ranger.

"Sorry, guys. You're still my buddies." TL blasted Airnaruto with electricity before throwing a chair into Ranger.

Nukid smashed his fist into Lunatic's face.

"For all the pestering ya did to me in Anti-TL's Wrath, little bugger." Nukid commented.

TL then threw out an aura arm and caught Hikari before swinging her into Ranger, who was just recovering.

"Ow." was all Ranger had to say.

Nukid ran over and delivered a super-kick to Dimensiondude before zipping over to HQ and using his gun finger (A/N: I can't remember what they're called, so I'm simplifying them). He then wheeled over to TL.

"Take Johan and let's get outta here!" Nukid shouted.

"No need to tell me twice!" TL replied. He grabbed Johan with an Aura arm and took off.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

The three were in the motorcycle, tearing through the city again.

"WE CAME, WE SAW, WE KICKED THEIR SORRY ASSES!" Johan whooped. He then glanced over to Nukid and asked, "Can I drive? I'm a good driver!"

Nukid's response was to bring his fist into Johan's face.

"What was THAT?!" TL demanded.

"I think it was Oldkid's doing." Nukid replied.

"How could Oldkid do THAT?!" TL demanded.

"I think Spud had somethin' to do with it." Nukid answered.

"Why's…"

"Put too much emphasis on 'that' again and I'll shove your boots up your sorry…"

"Alright, I got it." TL said, frightened. He then asked, calmly, "Why's that?"

"Let's find out…" Nukid stated.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

The three are in the Underworld, advancing upon a black hedgehog with a silver mane.

"Ya think he knows anything?" TL asked.

"He'd better." Nukid answered, "I had to pay Hades SUCH a big bribe that…"

The hedgehog was Anti-TLSoulDude. He looked at them, blandly, before asking, "What do I owe the pleasure of the top assassin, Nukid, and the Fictronian Ultima Master, TLSoulDude?" He then muttered, venomously, "I was happier being DEAD (A/N: A bit of a spoiler, I know)."

"We're here to find out about Drake's douche!" TL said.

"Be more specific. Drake's got a lot of douches." Anti-TL replied.

"The Spud android." Nukid said, "I know you helped Drake build him and we need to know exactly WHAT he's capable of."

"Sure, I'll just go check my appointments." Anti-TL answered. He slunk away.

"Do dead people GET appointments?" TL asked.

"You'd be surprised." Nukid replied.

Meanwhile, Anti-TL activated a holo-projector and Oldkid's form appeared.

"They're here, sir." Anti-TL said, "Should I hold them?"

"Yes, Anti-TL." Oldkid replied, "I'll be right over." Oldkid began to laugh, maniacally.

He then noticed that the holo-link now included Nukid and TL.

"They heard me laughing, didn't they?" Oldkid asked.

"As a matter of fact, yes." Anti-TL stated.

"I really need to work on that…" Oldkid muttered.

_Why did the Authors attack TL? What does Anti-TL have to do with this? And why am I asking YOU these questions? They'll be revealed in the next installment of Happy Hour!_


	3. Chapter 3

Author Fighters Happy Hour

Chapter 3

Previously on Happy Hour…

"_We're here to find out about Drake's douche!" TL said._

"_Be more specific. Drake's got a lot of douches." Anti-TL replied._

"_The Spud android." Nukid said, "I know you helped Drake build him and we need to know exactly WHAT he's capable of."_

"_Sure, I'll just go check my appointments." Anti-TL answered. He slunk away._

"_Do dead people GET appointments?" TL asked._

"_You'd be surprised." Nukid replied._

_Meanwhile, Anti-TL activated a holo-projector and Oldkid's form appeared._

"_They're here, sir." Anti-TL said, "Should I hold them?"_

"_Yes, Anti-TL." Oldkid replied, "I'll be right over." Oldkid began to laugh, maniacally._

_He then noticed that the holo-link now included Nukid and TL._

"_They heard me laughing, didn't they?" Oldkid asked._

"_As a matter of fact, yes." Anti-TL stated._

"_I really need to work on that…" Oldkid muttered._

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

"_What 'cha gonna do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk._" Anti-TL sang, tied to a chair. TL and Nukid just…stared at this, "_I'm gonna, gonna get you drunk. Get you love drunk off my humps. My hump, my hump, my lovely lady…_"

Nukid punched Anti-TL, sending him to the ground.

"What could POSSIBLY possess you to think that I'd take THAT SONG as an answer?" Nukid asked.

"And why do you call Oldkid 'sir' and not your _precious_ 'Master Darkstar'?" TL asked.

"Oldkid helped me see the light!" Anti-TL proclaimed, "And soon, YOU will see it also!"

"Sounds like the people from the Yu-Gi-Oh GX dubs." TL commented.

"He's brainwashed." Nukid sighed, "Looks like Oldkid's got some influence, even on the dead. Still, I have other ideas…"

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Nukid loaded the group into a Mongoose and took off. Johan edged closer to Johan and began to sing.

"_You're the one I dream about, but the only question with me now…is do I creep you out? Every time I shake your hand now…I wanna stick your fingers in my mouth. The only question with me now…is do I creep you out?_" Johan sang, singing "Do I Creep You Out" by Weird Al Yankovic.

"If torture's your method of making me talk, you'll never break my will with it." Anti-TL pointed out, "ESPECIALLY, not with this buffoon."

"Okay." Nukid sighed, pulling out the serringe with sedatives, "How about THIS, then?"

He then injected it into Anti-TL's arm. Anti-TLSoulDude stared at the spot before the hallucinogens took effect.

"What the…?" the Anti-Author asked out of confusion.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

The motorcycle took off and Johan and Anti-TL began singing.

"_My mama said 'You can't hurry love. No, you'll just have to wait.' She said, 'Love don't come easy, it's a game of give and take. No, you can't hurry love. No, you'll jus have to wait. Just trust in the good time, no matter how long it takes'!_" The two sang, singing "You Can't Hurry Love" by Phil Collins.

TL and Nukid sighed in exasperation. Nukid lowered his head while TL massaged his forehead with his fingers.

However, their musical was short-lived, seeing as two green, scaly hands dug themselves into the motorcycle and heaved it up. The two screamed. It was…

"AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!"

"IT'S ULTIMA D-DUDE!" Anti-TL screamed.

"Which one?" Johan asked, calmly, "The Redeye or the D-Rex?"

"Personally, I prefer the D-Rex." Anti-TL answered.

"Really?" Johan asked.

"Yeah, I prefer him because he keeps his mind and can still breathe fire." Anti-TL explained.

"I prefer the Redeye because he resembles the Incredible Hulk and is virtually unstoppable." Johan stated.

"Can we agree to disagree?" Anti-TL asked.

"Agreed." Johan replied, shaking Anti-TL's metal gauntlet.

"AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!"

Ultima D-Dude emitted a roar, which was translated as, "DARK D-DUDE SMASH!"

Nukid was working, frantically, on the controls.

"Divert all power to the forward thrusters." Nukid growled.

_Diverting power._ The motorcycle's Val Kilmer voice replied.

Energy blasted out of the motorcycle, electrocuting Dimensiondude. The bike flew back, crashing into a nearby curb. Johan and Anti-TL struggled out of the wreckage.

"See, what'd I tell ya?" Johan asked, "Is THIS stuff awesome?"

"I'll say." Anti-TL replied, "This is some good sh…"

DM and the other Authors landed in front of the wreckage.

"Do what you want with the other three." DM commanded, "It's TLSoulDude our boss wants."

"On it, Chief." Airnaruto replied.

Nukid and TL pulled themselves out of the wreckage and readied themselves.

"You can try." Nukid said.

Airnaruto pulled out a fistful of kunai. Nukid cracked his knuckles. DM pulled out his staff. Red sparks began to pulse through TL's right glove. D-Dude glared. TL did so, too. Ranger glowered. Nukid gave him an equally dirty look.

"Let's ride." TL said. The two then charged in.

Airnaruto hurled the kunai at TL, which cut through the Fictorian Hedgehog's fur. However, the Author Ninja didn't notice Nukid running towards him. Nukid delivered a kick to Airnaruto's gut. TL then used Lightning Claws on Lunatic before wheeling over to block a blow from DM's staff with the UFO Blade.

Johan and Anti-TL were watching the happenings with bland expressions on their faces.

"What day is it?" Johan asked.

"Thursday." Anti-TL replied.

"Feels more like Wednesday."

"Wednesday doesn't HAVE a feel."

TL was tossed away by Ultima D-Dude.

"Friday has a feel."

TL jumped at D-Dude in his Ultima form.

"Saturday has a feel."

"SHIGAN!" Nukid shouted.

"Sunday has a feel."

Chakram and kunai were tossed around, narrowly missing the two.

"I feel Wednesday AND Tuesday." Johan commented.

Nukid quickly dispatched Lunatic 121, taking a small bottle of crystal-clear potion from his pocket. He then glanced over to Ultima TL, who was holding Ultima D-Dude's jaws open with his claws alone.

"There's too many of them!" Nukid shouted.

"I noticed!" Ultima TL growled.

"We've gotta get outta here!" Nukid said, pulling out a scroll. In a flash of light, all four of them were gone.

DM stared at the place where they vanished.

"That's less than ideal." He commented.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Nukid, TL, Johan, and Anti-TL reappeared in the Old Villains' Bar. A group of four villains were sitting around a table—Lord Draco, Wraith, Anti-Lunatic, and Shade.

"Full House." Shade stated, laying his cards down.

"I'm out." Wraith commented.

"Same here." Anti-Lunatic added.

"Royal Flush. I win again." Lord Draco stated, laying his cards down and pulling the chips towards himself.

"Oh, come on!" Shade growled, throwing his cards across the room.

"GIVE US A BREAK!" Wraith snarled.

"WILL YOU BEAT IT?!" Nukid barked, "TWO OF YOU HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN YOUR OFFICIAL APPEARANCES YET!"

"Oh, fine." Anti-Lunatic grumbled.

The four left, muttering venomously and making veiled threats to Nukid.

"The VILLAINS' Bar?" TL asked, the shock of being teleported had shifted him into his regular form. He also had one of Dimensiondude's teeth in his left hand, "How'd you bring us here?"

"I used the scroll that was attached to Spud." Nukid explained, "Either way, it was a hell of a lot better than where we WERE." Nukid then noticed the bottle and asked, "What's this?"

"Veritaserum." TL explained, "It's a potion from the Harry Potter universe. I should know. I know all seven books by heart (A/N: That's very true…). Three drops and even Drake Ebon Darkstar will be spilling his guts about any subject."

"Well, why'd Lunatic have it?" Nukid asked, inspecting the stuff.

"He thinks it'll come in handy one of these days." TL explained, "Either on a 'get-him-to-talk' thing or getting his first date…which I doubt will happen anytime soon."

"That gives me an idea…" Nukid said, "TL, an Aura Arm around Anti-TL."

"Sure thing." TL replied, saluting.

"Did you see that Hikari chick?" Johan asked, "I could've hit that…"

TL then tossed a bluish green arm out and caught Anti-TL in it. Nukid forced three drops down Anti-TL's throat.

"Now, answer me TRUTHFULLY," Nukid commanded, "HOW is Oldkid manipulating the Authors?"

Anti-TL growled before replying, "Nanotechnology that I helped Master Darkstar perfect. Once in your system, it goes straight to the brain and your perception of reality can be altered at will."

"Well, how'd it get inside the Authors?" Nukid asked.

"Spud spiked your drinks with it." Anti-TL answered.

"What does the android Spud have to do with this?" Nukid demanded.

"You still don't understand, do you?" Anti-TL asked before saying, "The android Spud is the key to controlling it!"

"Holy crap." Nukid swore, before asking, "Whoever controls Spud controls the Authors?!" (Dramatic note)

"And now Oldkid has Spud!" TL exclaimed. (ANOTHER dramatic note)

"It's free ice cream day at Dairy Queen!" Johan said, holding out a news ad. (Yet ANOTHER dramatic note)

"Soul, keep a look-out." Nukid said, "I have a feeling Oldkid's getting closer…"

"And Anti-TL's getting LARGER!" Johan shouted, embracing Anti-TL and rubbing his hands across the latter's fur.

"And take the hallucinating idiot with you." Nukid added, irritably.

"Sure thing." TL replied, using a neural disruption blast on Johan, knocking him out. He heaved Johan over his shoulders and walked out.

A thought then occurred to Nukid and he asked Anti-TL, "So, I could change at any moment?"

"Perhaps." Anti-TL answered, shrugging, "Oldkid has…SPECIAL plans for you."

Nukid scowled before asking, "Well, why hasn't Soul been changed?"

"We're not sure." Anti-TL stated, "For some reason, he's been completely immune to Oldkid's influence. The only logical explanation is that his perception of reality has already been altered."

Sudden realization then dawned on Nukid as he remembered something TL said earlier…

Enter flashback…

"_Nukid, I think I might've gotten a girlfriend and forgot about it." TL admitted._

End Flashback…

"Oh my God, he was RIGHT!" Nukid said.

Fire then ate through the door and Dimensiondude burst through.

"WHAT THE-?!" Nukid shouted.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

TL and Johan came back out, TL holding Johan by the scruff of his neck.

"Nukid! What's up?!" TL asked, "I heard a noise and…"

TL's statement was cut-off as he saw an unconscious Nukid and conscious Authors. DM, Hikari Ino, D-Dude, Loony, HQ, Airnaruto, and Ranger were all standing around the unconscious Nukid with Oldkid standing in front of them. He dropped Johan right there and then in shock.

"Ow." Johan grunted as he hit the floor.

"Hello, TLSoulDude." Oldkid stated, "Do I have a deal for you…"

TL was never the profane type, but the curse that escaped his lips would've made TSS blush…

Johan walked over to Hikari.

"Hey, hot stuff." Johan said, "The safe word is Pumpkin. Sound good to you?"

Johan reached out his hand, but it was caught by DM's hand, grip steadily increasing.

"Pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, PUMPKIN, PUMPKIN!" Johan screamed.

_What does Oldkid have in store for Nukid and TL? What was TL right about? Why do I keep asking the obvious questions? Should I see a therapist? Find out in the next installment of Happy Hour!_


	4. Chapter 4

Author Fighters Happy Hour

Chapter 4

Previously on Happy Hour…

"_You still don't understand, do you?" Anti-TL asked before saying, "The android Spud is the key to controlling it!"_

"_Whoever controls Spud controls the Authors?!" (Dramatic note)_

"_And now Oldkid has Spud!" TL exclaimed. (ANOTHER dramatic note)_

"_It's free ice cream day at Dairy Queen!" Johan said, holding out a news ad. (Yet ANOTHER dramatic note)_

_A thought then occurred to Nukid and he asked Anti-TL, "So, I could change at any moment?"_

"_Perhaps." Anti-TL answered, shrugging, "Oldkid has…SPECIAL plans for you."_

_Nukid scowled before asking, "Well, why hasn't Soul been changed?"_

"_We're not sure." Anti-TL stated, "For some reason, he's been completely immune to Oldkid's influence. The only logical explanation is that his perception of reality has already been altered."_

_Sudden realization then dawned on Nukid as he remembered something TL said earlier…_

Enter flashback…

"_Nukid, I think I might've gotten a girlfriend and forgot about it." TL admitted._

End Flashback…

"_Oh my God, he was RIGHT!" Nukid said._

"_Nukid! What's up?!" TL asked, "I heard a noise and…"_

_TL's statement was cut-off as he saw an unconscious Nukid and conscious Authors. DM, Hikari Ino, D-Dude, Loony, HQ, Airnaruto, and Ranger were all standing around the unconscious Nukid with Oldkid standing in front of them._

"_Hello, TLSoulDude." Oldkid stated, "Do I have a deal for you…"_

_TL was never the profane type, but the curse that escaped his lips would've made TSS blush…_

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Someone prodded Johan.

"Johan?" the person asked.

"FINLAND!" Johan shouted, returning to consciousness. He groaned before noticing the person in front of him was Ino.

"You've been through a lot." She commented.

Johan massaged his head before saying, "The only thing I remember is Reliant K, Weird Al, Phil Collins, something about pumpkins, and embarrassing myself more than usual…" he then remembered something before asking, "That really happened, didn't it?"

Ino held out a tray to Johan, which had a sandwich and a bottle of blue Gatorade on it.

"Yes. You were embarrassing Darksides EVERYWHERE." She replied.

"Rats." Johan swore, "I was hoping I'd only embarrass those stinkin' Russian Darksides (A/N: I just did that for kicks. I'm not racist or hate Russians)."

"Now, just act like you're still hallucinating." Ino said, pointing at the backs of three Authors—Airnaruto, Ranger, and Lunatic. "If Oldkid finds out that you're sane again, he'll brainwash ya."

"You have feelings for me, don't you?" Johan asked.

"None whatsoever." Ino replied, flatly.

"I KNEW IT!" Johan exclaimed, happily.

"You're not listening." Ino said.

"I NEVER DO!" Johan said.

Ino left Johan to revel in what he thought was a triumph of love.

"WOO HOO! I DID IT! I TRUMPED DRAKE! I…" Johan then noticed that the three were giving him funny looks, "I mean…_On Wisconsin! On Wisconsin! Plunge on through that line!_"

Loony made a noise.

"What?" Ranger asked.

"Nothin'." Lunatic replied, "It's just, whatever's goin' on in there must be some pretty good sh…"

"THANK you, Lunatic." Airnaruto hissed, "There is no call for foul language." Airnaruto then glanced over to whoever's watching this and said, "Yes, the writer's decided AGAINST foul language for this chapter."

"Shut up, you dumb-ass whore!" Ranger spat.

"So much for clean language." Airnaruto sighed.

"I don't get it." DM growled as he and Hikari walked in, "Johan and Anti-TL are BOTH Darksides. We should be wiping them off the face of the earth!"

"Yes, but Oldkid can change them to be like us, Sempai." Hikari said, "Isn't that good enough?"

"I guess so." DM said, but added, "But isn't Oldkid allied with Drake? Everything's just so confusing now…"

"Maybe you should ask him. I'm sure he can clear it up." Hikari pointed out.

"He MIGHT." DM said, coldly.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

TL groaned and clutched his head before pushing himself up.

"Felt like I did AFTER I died." TL mumbled, clutching his head.

"Good morning, Soul." A voice said.

TL glanced over to see his old friend, X Prodigy.

"X PRODIGY?!" TL asked, happily, "You mean Oldkid DIDN'T change you into thinking you're a brooding, dark warrior?" TL then noticed the description and added, "Who…uh…DOESN'T work for Oldkid?"

"Oldkid spiked everyone's drinks." X Prodigy explained, "I drink straight from the bottle."

"Yeah. I remember you busted one over my head when I was trying to clean your table." TL mumbled.

"You didn't announce yourself." X Prodigy stated.

"WE WERE THE ONLY PEOPLE IN THE BAR!" TL shouted.

"If that's YOUR story." X Prodigy replied.

TL thought before asking, "How do you drink when you're constantly wearing that mask?"

"Even I don't know that." X answered.

"Well, why're we waiting?!" TL shouted, "Oldkid's either gonna brainwash us or kill us if we don't do something!"

"Believe me, killing me would only make me happy." X stated, "And I AM doing something—waiting for an opportunity to present itself."

"Hey, Soul." Said a certain Pokemorph.

"Roscoso?!" TL asked.

"FIC SNATCHER!" Ranger shouted.

"LET IT GO, RANGER!" Ross shouted back.

"How come YOU'RE not like them?" TL asked.

"My Life Auras burned the nanotech outta my system." Ross replied. He then shuddered before saying, "It hurt like crazy, but it worked." Ross then jabbed at the collar around his neck, "Would've busted outta here if they hadn't snapped this collar on me. They took my Life Auras and I can't change. Lousy son of a…"

"What happened to YOU?" Nukid asked as he appeared.

"NUKID!" TL exclaimed, "You're here, too?!"

"Looks like Team Ryche is united in imprisonment." X Prodigy stated.

"What did Oldkid tell ya?" Nukid asked.

"He just said he had a deal for me and shot me with elephant tranquilizer." TL answered, "I see that Roscoso's red."

"Yeah, that'd be the side-effects of the massive amounts of tranquilizer that went through your system." Ross said.

"Yeah." TL replied before continuing, "And, next thing I know, I'm here."

Johan then popped out with the bottle of Gatorade in his hands.

"Hey, guys." He said, in a conspiratorial whisper "If anyone asks, I'm Eragon and THIS is Sapphira." He held out the bottle when he finished before continuing, "We're going to Carvahall, singing songs by Utada Hikaru." Johan then walked away.

"O-kay, what was that about?" TL asked. Suddenly, someone grabbed him by the mane and pulled him up.

"YOU'VE BEEN TOUCHED BY THE DEVIL, HEDGEHOG!" snarled TSS.

"Hey, I'm a Christian not a Satanist!" TL shouted. He then said, "And if you're so upset about it, TSS, why can't you just open-fire on everyone like you always do and get us outta here?"

"I can't kill them." TSS replied, "I only kill the evil ones, NOT misguided heroes. These are our comrades. Besides, it's NOT everyone else or your religion. It's…"

TL then vanished.

"SOUL!" Nukid shouted.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

TL appeared in a chair. Cuffs strapped him to it and he noticed someone…

"'Sup?"

"Spud?!" TL asked, "Don't you know what Oldkid's doing?!"

"Yeah." Spud replied, "It's awesome, isn't it?"

"He's…" TL stopped, chuckled a bit, and then agreed, "Okay, it is, kinda." TL then asked, "Don't you work for Drake?!"

"Yeah. It's weird." Spud said.

"AND YOU'RE HELPING OLDKID TO CONTROL THE HEROES?!" TL shouted, spastically.

"Cool." Spud simply said. The doors swung open and Oldkid walked in.

"I think what my douche of a friend means to say is that I went peeking around Drake's papers while he was, (cough)and still is(cough), doing some jail time." Oldkid explained, "Then, it was a reprogramming here, an override there, and finally…"

"'Sup?" Spud asked.

"Exactly." Oldkid said.

"What's your plan, you sick jerk?!" TL demanded.

"Oh, you'll see." Oldkid replied.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

DarkMagicianmon walked over to the cell and handed Nukid a laptop.

"Oldkid wants you to have this." DM explained. Nukid took it as DM continued, "It doesn't have to be like this. We both want the same thing—vengeance. You're just too naïve to do anything about it."

"Never thought YOU would be sayin' that to me." Nukid simply said.

"OH, THE RICH IRONY!" Johan shouted.

DM then glanced over to the three guards and asked, "Are you sure he's drugged?"

"Pretty sure." Lunatic replied.

"Seriously, Chief." Airnaruto said, "It's hard for a guy to sing like THAT and not be on somethin'."

Airnaruto gestured at Johan, who was dancing.

"I don't know." DM said, "Whatever's going on in there seems a bit TOO whimsical."

"In other words, you ALSO think he's drugged." Ranger stated.

"NO." DM snapped.

Nukid opened up the laptop to see TL strapped to the chair and Oldkid in front of the Fictorian Hedgehog.

"Well, well, well." Oldkid said, "Good to see you, Nukid."

"Feeling's not so mutual, Oldkid." Nukid replied, "What're you planning?!"

"Come on, Nukid. I'm doing this for the other Authors' greater good." Oldkid explained, "Apparently, you and I are quite successful when it comes to reviews. Now, EVERY Author wants their stories to be just like ours. And you're always complaining that the Authors are hardly relatable. I decided to give you and the people what they wanted." He gestured to Spud, "The power to alter someone's perception of reality is useful. I could find what the Authors cherished most and, with the help of Spud…"

"'Sup." Spud said.

"I managed to take them and crush them into unrecognizable masses of blood and tissue." Oldkid finished. He gestured at DM, Hikari, Airnaruto, Ranger, and Lunatic, "Now, virtually ALL of the Authors believe that their loved ones were brutally murdered in front of them and, little by little, they took the next step on their never-ending quests for justice."

Ino then walked in on Oldkid.

"Only they're willing to KILL for justice." Ino added.

"AND, as you can see, I got some of the Darksides." Oldkid said. He then socked Ino, sending her to the ground, "Wait until I'm finished."

Johan noticed this and snapped.

"WHAT?! THAT SON OF A (censored)! I'M GONNA GET HIS SORRY (censored)…"

The rest of Johan's sentence was censored along with many others. He waved his hands around, banged his head on the wall, tried punching X Prodigy, only to get repelled. Ranger apparently sighed before aiming his gun and shooting. The censor bleep stopped there and Lunatic was on the ground, clutching his leg.

"RANGER!" Airnaruto snapped.

"Sorry, I'm just used to solving ALL my problems like that." Ranger explained.

"DANG SORRY REASON, IF YOU ASK ME!" Lunatic shouted.

"…Up Gary Coleman's sorry…" Johan then noticed that everyone was staring at him. He then said, holding up the Gatorade, "I mean…ya hear that, Sapphira?" He then answered, doing a very poor impression of Rachel Weisz (A/N: One of the two actors who they got it right in the movie. The other was Jeremy Irons), "Yes. You have a language problem."

"What do you want with TL, you sick bastard?" Nukid snarled.

"Well, Spud tried finding what he cherished most." Oldkid replied, "But the hedgehog's taught himself how to take losing people and get back up. Besides, the thing that got destroyed was too small to make any impression on his psyche."

"See, Seifer?!" TL demanded, "I can take being called Chicken-Wuss!"

"Shut up, rodent." Oldkid murmured.

"What does TL have to do with this?" Nukid asked again.

"Oh, I just want him to turn it off so he can be like everyone else." Oldkid replied. He glanced over to TL and asked, "You want your fics to be more popular? You want to be cool like Nukid? Well, you CAN if you just let me in."

"And…why should I do that?" TL asked.

"THIS is why." Oldkid replied. He snapped his fingers. Spud held out his hand and electricity flew from it to electrocute TL. The hedgehog roared in pain before slumping forward, smoking slightly.

"NOW I know how those guys I shock feel…" TL groaned.

"You want to be Nukid's partner." Oldkid said, "Well, you'll find out what happens to his partners…"

"STOP!" Nukid shouted.

"Excuse me?" Oldkid asked.

"Leave him alone." Nukid said, "He has plenty of potential as a good author."

"Well, never thought I'd hear you say…" TL never finished, because he got electrocuted.

"Just turn your mental shields off." Oldkid said, "And all the pain goes away."

"I CAN'T!" TL barked, "I don't remember!"

"Well, let's just…"

"HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND!" Nukid shouted.

"Excuse me?" Oldkid asked.

"You heard me. He has a girlfriend." Nukid stated.

"I DO?" TL asked.

"If you can jog his memory, you can get him." Nukid finished.

"Why're you telling me this?" Oldkid asked.

"Because if you have him, you won't have reason to torture him anymore. YOU can save that for me." Nukid explained, "And TL's a good man…hedgehog…Fictorian…whatever the heck he is." Oldkid didn't seem phased by this, so Nukid continued, "Besides, even a sick, twisted mind like yours can't resist controlling ALL the Author Fighters."

Oldkid then froze. He turned around and asked, "How do I crack it?"

"You can't." Nukid explained, "But I can."

"How?" Oldkid asked.

Enter flashback…

"_I mean, X Prodigy's already paired me up with Hanabi Hyuga and I'm friends with other girl authors like Sakkee and Lucky." TL explained._

End flashback…

"I know her name." Nukid replied.

"You know her name?" Johan asked, "You really HAVE been around."

Nukid's response was to grab Johan's wrist in a manner similar to DarkMagicianmon in the previous chapter.

"Pumpkin, pumpkin, PUMPKIN, PUMPKIN!" Johan screamed.

"Pumpkin?" Nukid asked, confused at Johan's choice of words.

_To be concluded…_


	5. Chapter 5

Author Fighters Happy Hour

Chapter 5

Nukid folded his arms at the recent happenings. He wasn't happy that he was about to help Oldkid get control over TL.

The doors then slid open with DM in front of them.

"Nukid, it's time." DM said.

Nukid walked out. Another cell door opened as DM noticed Johan. The Darkside was wearing several bling-bling items and a pair of sunglasses.

Johan: _**That's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it. Uh-huh, uh-huh.**_

Nukid gave Johan a flat look.

"If you're still tryin' to act drugged, you're not foolin' me." Nukid simply said.

"Then gimme some more of that happy juice." Johan whispered.

"No." Nukid growled, "When we were captured, they stripped of us of everything that we could use as weapons from your whip to TL's gloves."

"Explains why the hedgehog didn't use his powers." Johan said, "Otherwise, he'd blow us all sky-high."

DM then grabbed the two by the throats and heaved them up.

"We're on." He simply said.

The lights darkened and Ino appeared.

"NOW, coming directly from the psycho ward, it's one of the most dangerous and insane Darksides! Oldkid!" Ino introduced.

Oldkid appeared to the cheers of the audience.

"Thank you, thank you! This chapter is on all computer screens worldwide!" Oldkid said, like a game show host, "TODAY, we have some of your favorite Author Fighters…"

DM, Hikari, Airnaruto, Ranger, Loony, D-Dude, and HQ appear from behind a curtain to more cheers.

"And a villain…"

Johan appeared. Nothing happened except some crickets chirping.

"Free-bird!" Johan said.

"And the one who ALMOST got away…"

TL appeared, still strapped to the chair.

"BUT not quite." Oldkid sneered before introducing, "AND, the person who will make him mine, my dear friend, Nukid!"

Nukid appeared to wild applause.

"NUKID?!" TL barked, "You're HELPING Oldkid to make me his mindless slave?!"

"I WON'T have your blood on my hands." Nukid said.

"And I thought you wanted to show the entire world what you were made of." Oldkid said, "Isn't that WHY you joined ? To show that you could be as good as your original role-model, Mrfipp? And now, you're lucky to get fics with more than fifty reviews and you KNOW it!"

TL simply scoffed before simply saying, "Bullshit."

"Never thought I'd hear TL swear outside of his Ultima and Feral modes." Nukid said.

"So what if I'm not as popular as I'd like?" TL asked, "I mean, I'm still a reasonably well-known author. And don't think that Spud's little mind-tricks will work."

"'Sup?" the android Spud asked, stupidly.

"Exactly." TL said, continuing, "I exploded when I was four and killed most of my relatives, including my parents. I lost my aunt Kida, my sensei, and even my life once." TL's voice eventually rose to a proud statement, "So, what can YOU do to me?! Think you can change me into some brooding, Shadow-esque hero for your own twisted desires?! LIKE TO SEE YA TRY!"

"Oh, you must think you're clever, rodent." Oldkid taunted, "But you want to know what's really clever? What Spud's about to do to you!"

Spud placed his hand on TL's head and electricity began to pulse through each other.

"Cool, our minds have like bonded, dude." Spud and TL both said.

"So, everything's goin' as planned, Oldkid?" Ino asked.

"Exactly. And I'm guessing that everything's going as planned for YOU, too." Oldkid replied, playing a recording.

"_Now, just act like you're still hallucinating. If Oldkid finds out that you're sane again, he'll brainwash ya._" Ino's recorded voice said.

"WAIT! IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!" Ino shouted, defensively.

"Oh, I know EXACTLY what's going on." Oldkid replied, jamming a knife into Ino's midsection.

"YOU BASTARD!" Johan shouted. DM swung his staff into Johan, forcing the Darkside into a chair.

"No worries, Johan. She's still alive…for now." Oldkid said, sadistically.

"And what're you gonna do with me?!" Johan snarled, "Make me into one of your mindless lackeys?!"

"Oh, I'm not." Oldkid replied with a smile, "I have DARKER plans for you." Oldkid then asked, "Did you know that the human mind will collapse on itself if it gathers too much information at once?" Oldkid then glanced over to Spud, who was still working on TL, "Spud!"

"'Sup?" Spud and TL asked.

"Teach Johan Spanish. ALL OF IT." Oldkid ordered.

Spud raised a hand and blasted Johan with information. Johan screamed in pain.

"ENOUGH, Oldkid!" Nukid shouted.

"Is that all you've got?" Johan asked.

"How about something that'll REALLY blow your mind?" Oldkid asked before saying to Spud, "Teach him Japanese. INCLUDING grammatical order!"

"Cool." Spud and TL replied.

Spud fired another blast at Johan.

"I'm gonna help ya, Oldkid, but NOT if you keep tormenting Johan!" Nukid snarled.

"If you wanna help either HIM, TL, or Ino," Oldkid said, tossing a gun to Nukid, "Take a shot."

Nukid stared at the gun. He only saw one option in which his friend wouldn't get hurt.

"Hanabi Hyuga." Nukid simply said.

"Excellent." Oldkid said before telling Spud, "Enter the Hyuga girl's name into the hedgehog's mind."

"NOW, let me help Ino." Nukid growled.

"Oh, I would, except DarkMagicianmon doesn't really LIKE it when friends rat out on each other." Oldkid explained, gesturing at the fearless leader.

DarkMagicianmon grabbed Nukid by the throat and heaved the assassin up.

"You'll PAY for your betrayal, Nukid." DM snarled.

"DarkMagicianmon, I know YOU'RE strong enough to fight Oldkid's manipulation!" Nukid wheezed.

"I'm strong enough to uphold justice." DM snarled, "My family was murdered because of injustice and I WILL avenge their deaths!"

"By becoming one of the people you're trying to fight?" Nukid asked. DM began to think about this…

"Sir?" Spud and TL both replied, "There appears to be somethin' weird in here…"

"Hey…what's that?" TL asked by himself.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Inside the darkness, TL was walking through mist. He saw the back of a girl.

"Who's that?" he asked, voice echoing.

The girl turned around and he saw Hanabi.

Hanabi soon turned into Drake Darkstar.

"SOMEONE WHO YOU'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN!" Drake cackled before electrocuting TL.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

TL was snarling from the strain.

"I…can't…remember!" TL snarled.

"Spud, really work it." Oldkid ordered.

"Can't, sir." Spud replied, "I'm gonna explode in a few seconds."

He did. His head flew off during the explosion and his body fell to the ground.

"Dude, stinks." Spud's head said.

With the Authors, something went through their minds.

"What happened?" Lunatic121 asked, disoriented.

"I dunno." Airnaruto replied.

"The last thing I remember is…somethin' about ME playing Ironhide in TL's Transformer spoof." Ranger groaned, massaging his temples.

"I just hope the whole deal about ME marrying some witch was just a dream." Dimensiondude said.

"THAT would be a dream, Big Double D." HQ explained.

"HALLELUJAH!" D-Dude shouted to the heavens.

"It's just a blur." Hikari said, rubbing her head.

DM immediately dropped Nukid, who began gasping for breath.

"NUKID?! What did I-" DM tried saying.

"NOT now, DM!" Nukid snapped.

"SPUD! CHANGE THEM AGAIN!" Oldkid ordered Spud's head.

"Can't, sir. Being just a head, I don't have much power." Spud's head explained.

"THEN TELEPORT US OUT OF HERE!" Oldkid commanded.

"Can't do that, either, sir." Spud replied.

"FOR GOD'S SAKE, JUST DO SOMETHING!" Oldkid shouted.

"Cool." Spud replied. Everyone, except Nukid, TL, Johan, Ino, and Oldkid then vanished.

"WHAT?!" Oldkid spat.

"You said something, sir." Spud said, "Maybe you should've been more specific."

Nukid rushed over to TL and handed the hedgehog his gauntlet and glove.

"HERE!" Nukid said, "So you can use your powers without blowing up."

"Thanks." TL replied, pulling his gloves on.

"How're you feelin'?" Nukid asked.

"I feel like someone's trying to pry my head open, but other than that…I seem to be fine." TL answered.

"Well, well, seems as if our rodent of a friend was right." Oldkid said.

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN IT?!" TL shouted, "I'M A HEDGEHOG, WHICH ARE NOT RODENTS! THEY ARE INSECTIVORES, LIKE SHREWS AND MOLES!"

"We'll have time for zoology LATER." Oldkid said. He then glanced at the ground. There was the gun. TL, Nukid, and Oldkid looked at it. "Well, what're you…"

The gun fired. Blood trickled down Oldkid's face as the insane Darkside crumpled and fell to the ground. Nukid didn't have the gun. Neither did TL. The person who shot it was…

"You see, you just had to remove the safety pin." X Prodigy explained.

"Any numbskull could see THAT." TSS growled.

"Any GUN SLINGING numbskull." Ross corrected.

"X, you saved our asses." Nukid said in awe.

"Well, you two ARE some of my pals. What else was I supposed to do?" X asked.

The body of Spud then began to glow.

"IT'S GONNA BLOW!" TL shouted.

"We're NOT leaving without Oldkid's corpse!" Nukid snarled. He glanced back and saw that Oldkid was gone. So was Ino.

"Why am I not surprised?" TSS asked.

"Because just about every reader saw this coming." Ross answered.

"In THAT case, let's get out!" Nukid barked. The four then took off.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Oldkid wiped some of the blood off his forehead.

"NEXT time, I'll make the paintball gun less realistic." The psychopath growled.

"You stabbed me and were gonna leave me for dead!" Ino snapped, covering the wound, "Drake WON'T be happy."

"I'll just say that one of those pesky Authors did it." Oldkid replied.

"AND I'LL VOUCH AGAINST THAT!" snapped a voice as a whip cracked at Oldkid. Johan was there, holding the whip like Indiana Jones.

"JOHAN!" Oldkid shouted out of disbelief.

"YES, ME! AND YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO SAY?!" Johan demanded before jabbering away in Spanish. He then paused and asked, "What the hell was I talking about?"

"How about we finish this?" Oldkid asked.

"WHY NOT?!" Johan growled. The two then sprung at each other and began tussling. Ino reached for Spud's head. That douche could send her back to Drake's base.

However, the ground split open and she almost fell in. She screamed at this.

"INO!" Johan shouted.

"NOT yet!" Oldkid snarled, pouncing at Johan.

Ino was just about ready to slip.

"I got ya!" TL said, jumping over to grab Ino's hand, "Give me your other hand!"

"But…" Ino glanced over to Spud's head, "I wanted to go back to Drake's fortress."

TL didn't listen. He flipped Ino away from the edge, but fell down himself. Nukid caught his right hand before he fell. He then noticed Spud's head. If he got it…

"Give me your other hand." Nukid said.

"But, what if I can reach Spud's head?" TL asked, "THEN, I can figure out what happened and why I forgot!"

"WHAT MATTERS MORE?!" Nukid barked, "YOUR MEMORY OR YOUR LIFE?!"

"THAT'S JUST IT!" TL roared, "I WANT THIS BECAUSE I'M NOT LIKE YOU!" Nukid remained silent as TL said, calmly, "Well…I WANTED to be like you. You got one of the most popular Author Fighters fics so far. I figured…if I could make my fics awesome, I could be more popular. I mean, you've got no weapons, next to no powers, save that awesome Rokushi deal, and you've got no family. Me? I've had everything ripped away from me! My parents died by my hand, my aunt died of illness, my sensei was killed by one of my worst enemies, and all I have left are my brothers and they hardly understand what I'm going through. I'm all alone…"

"No, you're not." Nukid replied, holding out another hand, "Take the hand, TL."

TL thought between starting anew and remembering what he went through to forget in the first place. He took a new start. He reached out his hand to grab Nukid's other hand. Nukid heaved the hedgehog up. Meanwhile, with Oldkid and Johan…

"I've got you now, Dopehan!" Oldkid growled.

"On the contrary, I'VE got YOU!" Johan replied. He snapped his whip around Oldkid's ankle and pulled. The insane Darkside tripped and released Johan. Johan then swung Oldkid away and the Darkside barely grabbed the edge.

"YOU were gonna turn every Author into being like NUKID?" Johan asked before saying, "And AFTER the readers got bored enough with the similarities to kill themselves, what were you gonna do next? And, if every villain were like you, what would be so special about you then? It's not about how relatable the Author is, it's about how the Author can save the day! If every Author Fighter was the same…"

"Forgot something?" Oldkid asked as he flung himself up, jumped behind Johan, and grabbed the Chaos Darkside from behind in a strangle hold. He then grinned before taunting, "Remember the TL Chronicle, TLSoulDude's FIRST Author fic? When you were in it, you weren't named and didn't even get a single line. You know what I did for that? I sent TL a thank-you note!"

These words rang in Johan's ears. He then used some Darkness jutsu to vanish and reappear behind Oldkid. The Chaos Darkside then brought his whip down and it wrapped itself around Oldkid's body.

"TL's considering rebooting that fic." Johan growled, "AND, if he does, he'll give me a better appearance!"

"Guys!" TL shouted to the two, "The bomb's about to go off and us with it!"

"Not if I have anything to say about it." Oldkid snarled. He then glanced over to Spud's head. "SPUD!"

"'Sup?" Spud asked.

"Did Drake happen to have any plans that involved us getting the hell out of here?" Oldkid asked.

"Yes, sir." Spud replied, "Plan Q."

"Then initiate Plan Q!" Oldkid ordered.

"Cool." Spud said before the two vanished.

"GUYS!" TL shouted as the body exploded. The three were sent to the ground in heaps.

"Well, at least Johan's DEAD now." Ino said.

"You ain't gettin' rid o' me that easy!" Johan proclaimed, appearing out of nowhere, blackened and bruised.

"You're welcome, idiot." Anti-TL groaned as he crawled out of the twisted, burning wreckage.

"Now, you should be coming back with me!" Hades said as he appeared in smoke.

"Thank goodness. I was happier being DEAD." Anti-TL said as he vanished back into the Underworld with Hades.

"What now?" TL asked.

"We go to my bar and celebrate." Nukid replied with a grin.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

TL gulped down the last cup of tequila on a platter. THIS would have to be the third or fourth time he got drunk.

"Thanks for the drinks, Nukid!" TL shouted.

"Sure you'll be able to get home tonight?" Airnaruto asked.

"Are you kiddin'?" TL asked, "I'M ON TOP OF THE WORLD!"

"If you say so." X said, holding a bottle to his mask, but not drinking it.

"Wait, I think I owe an explanation." Nukid said, grabbing TL's shoulder. "Has anyone wondered WHY Spud exploded while he was trying to alter TL's perception of reality?"

"Not really." Airnaruto replied, "Hey, I was being controlled, too! I can't remember that part!"

"Well, it was supernatural. Let's just leave it at that." Nukid answered.

"Wait, you KNEW he was gonna explode like that?!" Loony demanded.

"Yeah. So what?" Nukid asked.

"But still, it'd be great to remember the things I forgot." TL said.

"But that's what makes you an excellent author and fighter." Nukid explained, "You're able to look on the brighter side of life, even when you're being wracked with misery. My friend, your ability to hold onto that form of optimism may be stupid, but it's what makes you who you are—a goofball hedgehog who can do the right thing."

"Wait, I thought you said you DIDN'T have any friends." Dimensiondude said.

"I did, but that's only an expression." Nukid replied before saying to TL, "But, TL, I'd like to say that we're now…acquaintances."

"Thanks, Nukid. That means a lot to me." TL said. He then walked away.

"Well, we'd better be going." Airnaruto said.

"You're just going off to brood over the fact that you were turned into some mindless lackey, aren't you?" Nukid asked.

"You HAD to bring that up?" Ranger snapped. The group left, except Nukid. He sighed.

"I know you're there, DM." Nukid said.

DM appeared out of nowhere and said, "Look, Nukid, about what happened…"

"It's fine." Nukid answered.

"I just wanted you to know that…"

"I already accepted your apology!" Nukid barked, "Sometimes you Americans are too melodramatic…"

"What about TL?" DM asked, "What's this thing he forgot?"

"He DID have a girlfriend." Nukid answered, "Hanabi Hyuga. The pairing was started by X Prodigy and TL got addicted to it."

"How'd he forget?" DM asked.

"Because he's thinking about another Author fic and, in the brainstorming, he left her with Drake to save Team Wanderer's lives and hers." Nukid replied. He then said, "Don't tell Hanabi. It'd break 'er heart."

"Didn't D-Dude and Loony…"

"He made them promise not to tell until they had to." Nukid answered, "And he'd probably do the same thing again if they did."

"But why do we have to leave him in the dark?!" DM snarled, "He's a fellow Author!"

"Because he hasn't concluded the story yet." Nukid answered, "And because he can take it."

We see TL walking away.

"Because he's the kind of hero that the Authors have been waiting for." Nukid continued, narrating, "But not the one it's quite ready for—one who expresses his belief through writing and gives his fics strong morality to them. He can take any emotional blow and still get back up to rejoin the fight."

"Why's that?" DM asked.

"Because he's not exactly a hero." Nukid answered, continuing his narration, "He's the Leader of Team Wanderer, a part of the Team Otherworld Detective Agency, AND the Author Fighters." Nukid then concluded, dramatically, "The Authors need people like him—the Fictronian Ultima Master!"

Fade out.

_**Oh the power to be strong and the wisdom to be wise.**_

_**All these things will come to you in time!**_

_**On this journey that you're makin', there'll be answers that you seek.**_

_**And it's you who'll climb the mountain.**_

_**It's you who'll reach the peak!**_

_**Son of man, look to the sky!**_

_**Lift your spirit, set it free!**_

_**Someday, you'll walk tall with pride.**_

_**Son of man, a man in time, you'll be!**_

_**Oh, there's no one there to guide you, no one to take your hand.**_

_**But with faith and understanding, you will journey from boy to man!**_

_**Son of man, look to the sky!**_

_**Lift your spirit, set it free!**_

_**Someday, you'll walk tall with pride.**_

_**Son of man, a man in time, you'll be!**_

_**In learning, you will teach.**_

_**And in teaching, you will learn!**_

_**You'll find your place beside the ones you love.**_

_**  
Oh, and all the things you dreamed of,**_

_**The visions that you saw.**_

_**Well, the time is drawing near now.**_

_**It's yours to claim it all!**_

_**Son of man, look to the sky!**_

_**Lift your spirit, set it free!**_

_**Someday, you'll walk tall with pride.**_

_**Son of man, a man in time, you'll be!**_

_**Son of man…**_

_**Son of man's a man for all to see!**_

Oldkid and Spud's head appeared in some dark cave.

"Well, whatever Drake's plans were, I didn't expect them to lead here." Oldkid said.

A metallic hand then grabbed Oldkid by the throat and heaved him up. The person had black hair, an agent-esque suit, metal hands with fingers sharpened into claws, and a voice that resembled Hugo Weaving's.

"I should probably just drain your life force right now." The person, TL's arch nemesis named Blacknova, snarled, "BUT, you could redeem yourself by taking me to a place called…Nukid's!"

"Spud…" Oldkid gasped.

"Yes, sir?" Spud's head asked.

"Tell Drake that…" Oldkid gasped, "Plan Q SUCKS!"

"Yeah, I know." Spud replied.

The End…for now!

TLSoulDude: Boy, this was one crazy fic!

_Nukid: You're tellin' me._

_Airnaruto: So, do you have anything planned?_

_TLSoulDude: Well, I've got one where I return to earth after Anti-TL's Wrath, one where Nukid and I are chained together…_

_Nukid: What?!_

_TLSoulDude: One where Team Wanderer and Team Faust meet, and, as mentioned, one where I leave Hanabi with Drake. Dunno when I'll be posting them, though. And, after this, I'll be posting my Treasure Planet parody! I'd better get ready to play Silver!_

_X Prodigy: And I'm looking forward to the Team Faust deal._

_TLSoulDude: Just wait until I post it._

_The song earlier was Son of Man by Phil Collins from the Tarzan soundtrack and theme song for TLSoulDude._


End file.
